Don't even say it!

This is not a fun, happy memory post. I rarely rant but there comes a time when something happens over and over again, and I just can't let it go. So, today I am sending out notice that if you happen to say my least favorite phrase to me I will shoot you down with my laser eyes and possibly be very rude.
That may sound harsh but I am fed up and disgusted by people's well meaning sympathy comments. It goes something like this: (In a sickeningly sweet voice) "Oh, I'm so sorry your husband travels alot, you must feel like a single mom."
I want to respond: "Actually I don't feel that way at all but, thank you very much for insulting me on many various levels."

Two times when something to that effect was uttered to me, it was accompanied by stories of how they were single moms and they know how hard it is to raise kids by themselves. One even said; "Thank the Lord those days are over for me." Umm, yeah!

Ken doesn't travel alot, but he does have to travel for his job. The majority of trips are to CA when he has to go to his headquarters once a quarter for a week. I totally can't complain about that because if I didn't want him to make those trips we could pack up our family and move to California. But instead we have chosen to keep our house payments lower, live in a more conservative area, enjoy Ken being at home all day long, and me and the kids get to tag along for a fun vacation in the Bay Area a couple of times a year.

Other then that he pretty much only travels when there is a big customer issue and they have to send an engineer out. Those trips just pop up (maybe once a month), and he usually only has a few days notice. Like the trip he is on right now he found out about on Friday and flew out Monday. It's really short notice. But they are also short trips, usually only 2-3 nights long.

Ken is working on a huge issue, like H-U-G-E. So all of January trips have popped up and it will turn out that he will be traveling every single week. And it may turn out he will have to travel quite a bit in the next few months. I'm okay with that! This is a great opportunity for him and us.

The problem is that he normally volunteers when he can and is involved in the boys' school, cub scouts, activities, etc. So as I'm explaining to people why Ken had to back out of: judging the science fair, doing a science experiment in Darin's class, won't be at Cub Scouts, etc. Or when I have had to back out of things because I need to spend more time at home with my girls. I have gotten numerous comments about being a single mom. I would say I've probably heard this phrase 30 times in the last 3 weeks!!! From all sorts of people neighbors, receptionists as I re-schedule his Dr. appt for the 3rd time, teachers, other volunteers, church people.

I just want to scream at them; "Take that Back!"

Reasons I don't feel like a single mom:
* To start at the beginning literally-- I have been loved, cared for, and pampered through all 4 of my pregnancies.
* He has stayed by my side the whole time I was in labor. Even after our babies were born he did not leave the hospital once. Not one single time after 1,2,3, or 4. No running home to take a shower, get some sleep, get something to eat, or even to check on our other kids. He was by my side 100% of the time bonding with me and our newborn, that is unless he was running down to the cafeteria to get me something to eat:-) How many moms can say that???
* Ken changes pretty much every single diaper when he is home. So much so that I only realized yesterday (after Ken told me) that the reason Ginger has been fussing and getting mad that I wouldn't let her touch the wet or dirty diapers is because Dad normally gives them to her and she throws them in the trash and basks in his applause.
* He gets up with our babies at night. I am such a hard sleeper I never hear them. But Ken isn't and he wakes up and either comforts them back to sleep, or brings them to me to nurse or cuddle in bed.
* Ken loves to do the morning routine with the boys and lets me sleep in. Even makes their lunches, talks with them, and sometimes plays a quick video game with them before school.
* I don't feel alone because he calls me when he gets to the airport, after he's made it through security, before he boards, before he takes off so I know I won't be able to reach him, when he lands, after he gets his rental car, when he checks into the hotel, when he wakes up, when he is going to eat breakfast, when he is heading to the office, when he is going out to lunch, when he is finished working, when he gets to the hotel, when he is going out to eat, after he has eaten dinner, etc. And I am being quite literal, he always gives me running tab of where he is at. They aren't always long phone calls, sometimes it's only like a 5 second this is where I'm at, I love you!
* My kids know their Dad cares about them because he calls to talk to them 3-4 times a day. Ginger really loves when she gets to talk to Daddy on the phone. She thinks she deserves her whole chat with him too, even if it requires him calling back 4 times because she keeps hanging up the phone.
* How about the fact that he is working so hard to take care of our family! Most of the time I feel more sorry for him then I do for myself. When he goes on these trips he is usually going as a last resort so he is dealing with people who are angry and stressed. He has to calm people down, sift through alot of garbage to find out what the real problem is, solve the problem, and make everyone happy. In comparison I think my job is way easier and more enjoyable.

And while we miss Ken terribly when he is out of town, I have definitely discovered some perks:
* We totally love to be Bribed! Me, the kids, we all love when he brings home treats, games, or a book. Or in my case getting flowers right before he leaves or while he is gone.
* When Ken knows he is leaving in a few days he will finish small projects around the house that have been bugging me. You know the type of projects that have been on his to-do-list for 3 months but he never seemed to find time to do it. But when he has a deadline and knows that next week I will be alone with the kids things just get accomplished!
* He leaves me intimate notes hidden all around our home. I'm terrible though because I will go and look for all of them on the 1st day.
* I am loving being home more during the day with the girls. Since it will pretty much be a whole month he is gone, I am not just pushing off things a little bit, I'm just having to back out completely. Really planning a teacher's lunch is not that important, and neither is teaching other people's kids how to do math. Yes, it's sad and they need the help, but they aren't my kids. And I realized I have been doing way too much. Yes, it's great Ken is home so I can help at the boys' school. But in reality I have 2 small girls who need to be spending the same bonding time with their mommy that my boys had. I want to give them those experiences. And I want to give myself the downtime that comes when my girls are sleeping and I can't leave my home.
* I save a ton on our grocery bill. At the same time it is sad because I really don't cook much or at least anything I'm super proud of. And I really like to feed Ken.
* I spoil my kids more. I have more lunches at school with them, make their favorite breakfast, make them cookies for snack instead of fruit, give them more cuddles. In short I do more of the things I should do normally because I know they miss their Dad.
* My house is cleaner then ever. I think it is because the big mess-maker is gone;-) Or because I am home more.
* And of course frequent traveler rewards! We haven't personally used his points but my Grandma is coming out to see me in May for two weeks because we could use his points and bought her a ticket. Or bought our favorite babysitter 3 tickets! Or like in March when we go to Cancun for 3 nights our hotel will only be $30 a night instead of $650. That's nearly $2,000 worth of savings.