Breaking Bread

Even though we are going to Reno for Thanksgiving, I still wanted to cook all the traditional dishes we normally have.  Before we were married Ken's favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.  Somewhere along the years it has apparently changed to Christmas (I was shocked when he said that this year:)  This will actually be our first Thanksgiving not at our home or with Ken's family.

We decided to do Thanksgiving the Thursday before.  Like always I made Grandma Tietjen's Stuffing. Which meant that I baked about 3 loaves of bread.  My kids devoured one as a snack, then the boys pretty much ate another 1/2 a loaf while helping me crumble the rest into pieces to set out and dry.  They kept telling me how they couldn't eat another bite but it was so good--and then they would eat another bite!  Actually, I don't think they really ended up helping me make the bread crumbs for the stuffing at all:-)

It was fun chatting and laughing with them as we sat on the floor surrounded by cookie sheets and bread.  They were extremely entertaining when they started throwing it up in the air and catching it.

See, They did help with Thanksgiving Dinner!  Well, at least they lifted my spirits.  I love when they are open and freely talking to me and this was a super fun night that I will always cherish!  It's also fun to see them just goof off.  I feel like they are always so pressed for time with their homework and activities.  I miss just hanging out with them and feel like we never get enough time.

So this has been bugging me for awhile... When the boys were little, and even now, I feel like I rarely cared about if our house was clean or if we made a mess.  Don't get me wrong it drives me crazy in my head I just haven't made it a priority that really affects the kids.  I just wanted to enjoy being their mom.  I tried to be present and in the moment as much as possible and to enjoy my time with them.  Especially because only every mother I had ever met over the age of 40 would tell me how much they regretted whatever and wished that they had enjoyed their kids more.  So I really tried too, and yet it still sucks!  I don't feel like I've had enough time with them and I don't feel like I've really been able to enjoy them--or at least not as much as I have wanted to.  So my house has been a constant mess and I still have major regrets...but whatever, I still didn't care that much that I had bread crumbs all over the floor the next two days.  I do have to say that the nice part of them growing up is that they eventually vacuumed it up for me!

Sometimes I wonder if being a mom means that you are destined for heartbreak???