Humble Pie

This morning facebook was all abuzz with great shouts of hurray over the announcement that President Monson made at General Conference about the new age requirements for when young men and young women could enter the mission field (see here).  We were not watching it live because the boys were ref'ing soccer games.  Which ironically was a big part of why I was grumpy because I wish we had said NO to ref'ing but since this was the first time they were on the schedule when it wasn't rained out we went ahead and decided to record the sessions of conference and watch it together as a family when they got home.  It turns out it probably was a good thing because I was really mad and was not really in the frame of mind to receive this joyous news and to my regret posted very grumpy comments.  And thought really bad words in my head (okay like if you're a 3rd grader but in our house really, super bad) which I might have said out loud if I hadn't been coughing/spitting out my drink.

Honestly, I totally skipped over the whole part that young women could now serve at age 19 instead of 21 which I have always thought would be a great thing!  I immediately went with my little mother's heart (apparently only the part reserved for sons).  Where just yesterday we were discussing with our good friends how we will happily "kick out" our sons to attend college out of state to in fact prepare for them for their mission.

Of course, I say that but really I think we will need that one year where they live apart from us where we can know that we can board a plane and stalk them to their calculus class or their first single date.  I'm totally not kidding about that, Ken actually dreams of more of the stalker-ish things then me, and of course it will be on an awful day where they missed us so much!  Yes, we do cry at that google commercial (see here) pretty much every time we see it.  

Then there is the logical part of my brain that realizes I baby them, I completely want to baby them, I totally want to baby them until they leave our home, and I want to give them huge over the top promises that I will baby them whenever they come home to visit.  Of course with the cruel intent of the world (or at least as much of the real-world you can get at a church university) smacking them in the face and realizing that their parents are truly amazing and wonderful.  But in all seriousness, the boys are gonna need to be weaned before they serve a mission.  And we had planned on doing that weaning when they are away at college for a year beforehand.  When they will need to iron their shirts and cook their own meals and figure out how to get from place to place without their chauffeur reminding it is time to leave and did they remember...  

Then there is the whole if Darin left on his mission a year earlier that seriously cuts down our time with him.  He has 5 1/2 years or so right now if he left at 19 after completing a year of college.  But if he left right after graduating from high school that would 4 1/2 years, so I would be losing out on approximately 18% of this time.  Sure if he was 3,4,5 years old not really as big of a deal.  But as a mom staring down the fact that my son only has 5 more summers at home, telling me I'll most likely lose out on one of them will not make me your friend.  Summers in my book are practically as sacred as the church itself because it means unlimited family time to us.

Of course I threw off every consolation that friends would share about it just being "an option" to leave on their mission sooner.  After hearing our sons reactions and seeing how excited they are, we were pretty justified.  They are excited to serve a mission!  They work hard, have been saving hard for forever, are fairly mature, and are very kind and service orientated.  They'll be adults after all. 

Then it hit me, the reason I was mad at the church was because I wanted them to enforce my particular vision for our sons.  I do want them to go to college for a year beforehand and the church's requirements all lined up nicely with me wanting to control them.  Seriously, what's up with believing in an 18 yr old's agency!  Oh, smack this is karma for wanting to elope with my husband when I was 18.

In all seriousness after actually hearing the announcement and watching the wonderful sessions of conference my heart was softened and Ken's heart was softened. So here I am eating humble pie and feeling seriously ashamed of how upset I was this morning and for being so negative to my friends when they have the best desires and intentions.  And for being upset with a church policy, especially when every blessing I have in my life can be traced to trying to live as righteously as I can.  

I'm sad that my boys are growing up so fast.  It's way too quickly in my book.  Especially because they are such a joy to be with.  They are so much better then me, and I gratefully eat humble pie being their mom.  I know that they deserve a mother who is much better then me and yet they are always loving me and comforting me.  They were challenged to read the Book of Mormon in 60 days this summer and they did it.  The Stake President challenged the parents to pick it up and read along with them a few weeks later, but I didn't really.  They were so amazing and worked hard and finished it!  I'll miss their great example and testimony in our home when they do grow up and leave for college or missions or whatever they choose.  It's been such a blessing to be their mother!  And if there is one thing that I have learned over and over from being their mother is to not let my hang ups hold them back from fulfilling who they were born to be, which is Amazing!

A few weeks ago Ken and I were able to accompany the youth on their temple trip.  I was going to post funny things from driving 5 absolutely charming Deacons in the car, really they are charming.  We are lucky to have such incredible Young Men.  But reflecting on it, I just loved the Spirit of being their with our Nathan for his first time inside the temple.  It was a precious and sacred moment.   In possibly 4 1/2 years or so we can experience another first in the temple with our sons and possibly not have to wait an extra year, so that is something to look forward to!