"Found out this afternoon that one son got a very exclusive award at middle school and the other had in school suspension. We are totally proud of both of them!!! You would have to know the details."
So here are the details... Nathan got the special award, but I'll post more about that later. He didn't get the award this day but this was the day that the school counselor told us that he was receiving it and the details for the ceremony the following week. We weren't supposed to tell him about so that he would be surprised, so we were just really happy on the inside.
Later that day the boys beat us home by a couple of minutes. Darin was playing the piano when I walked in and he immediately rushed up to us and said that he needed to talk to us in our bedroom. That is totally our boys code for something awful has happened. I've mentioned before what a sanctuary and haven our bed is to our children. Whenever they have something scary happen or something is bothering them, Ken and I will hold them close and they feel safe and spill whatever it is.
Darin told us that he had in-school suspension for the day and about a fight he got into. He thought it was awful and unfair, after Ken and I heard the story I have to say that we agreed to.
Apparently there is a kid on the boys bus who has Aspberger's who keeps being bullied by another kid. So as they were walking into the school and the bully came up to Darin's friend and started messing with the kid. (Darin doesn't really classify him as a friend because they never really hang out, but he knows him and likes him) Darin told the bully to knock it off and got inbetween him and the other boy. Then the other boy started cussing and yelling at Darin. Darin touched him with a pointed finger and told him off, and the other boy totally shoved him around. Then he walked up to the 7th grade Vice Principal, with the bully following him too. And both of them tried to tell the Vice Principal what happened. Which is totally what kills me!
Anyway, the result was that the bully tried to say he wasn't doing anything and Darin started to cuss at him and pick a fight. The Vice Principal looked at the tapes and could see that Darin was postering like he was protecting the other boy, and he didn't believe Darin was ever cussing because he knows Darin and knows that he is a good kid. Not to mention the bully has messed with Darin's friend all last year and this year too. It's not like this is the first time he got suspended over bullying this kid. We had a really great conversation about reputations too and how your actions everyday define the reputation that people have of you. It was hard at first for Darin to see that the VP was on his side and that his good reputation made it so the principal believed him because duh, he was still suspended.
You would think no brainer, Darin did the right thing. Ken and I were certainly proud of him! But apparently because he touched the boy with his pointer finger he got in-school suspension. Seriously a finger! The thing that kills us is that Darin told the Vice Principal about this and then was punished for it, otherwise he never would have even gotten into trouble. Darin was really frustrated too because there are two teachers who were standing like 10 feet away the whole time (and apparently most days when this happens) and they didn't see anything at all.
Plus, it's not like they were even taking swings at each other. When the VP called to tell me about it, after I left 2 messages for him! Is it just me or don't you expect that if your kid gets put into in-school suspension for the day that they should notify you. I mean really, do they think all kids are like Darin where they come home and immediately confess everything to their parents?? I know I never would. Anyway, I talked to the VP and he totally was like he felt bad that he had to give Darin in-school suspension but blah, blah, blah about policies. And then he was like "The thing is that Darin needs to know that it is good to stand up for kids who are being bullied but instead of escalating it he needs to grab an adult to take care of it." Umm, Yeah! I'm pretty sure that is what he did. It's not like they really got into a shoving match even. I mean really! Ugh!
So the bully sat in the the same room as Darin all day. I just have to say I am so thankful that the day before I had bought Darin the new Rick Riordin book my boys were dying to read so at least my baby had an awesome book to read. Anyway, the part that really got to Darin was that the VP told the bully that he told his parents about this incident sometime throughout the day, and then the boy made a comment about how his Dad was going to whip him when he got home. Too the point of even describing how he won't be able to sit down for days. That really bothered Darin and it also made him sympathize with the bully too. He has such a tender heart and we had a good conversation about how this boy is mean to kids at school because he is hurting inside and lashing out at anyone who he can pick on. It's so sad.
Honestly, that really bothers me too. How is it that when a child talks about being whipped by his parents very vocally that someone isn't called in to protect them. Isn't that totally child abuse! I was helping in Rose's class and doing some one on one help with a few kids to help them learn their sightwords. They identify the word and then use it in a sentence. Sometimes I use the word in a sentence first or they use it in a sentence first. Who would think just teaching the word "Go" would make me so sad. But I said, "Mom says GO clean your room." Then she told me how she got in trouble over the weekend because she didn't clean her room and that her Dad whipped her. It totally breaks my heart, especially because she said it so matter of fact. What a sad way to be treated by the people who should show you the most love in the world!
Anyway, Darin was really upset. I love that he knew that he wouldn't be in trouble with us and that he gave us every single detail of what happened. Which really didn't happen with the VP, he spent more time re-assuring me this wasn't a life-defining moment for Darin and that he knows he is a good kid. I kind of wanted to say, you know it's not like every set of parents beats their children. I honestly just wanted to understand the policies that made Darin have in-school suspension and what we could help him learn to do better next time. And by better, I don't mean because we thought he did anything inappropriate, but because obviously the school has ridiculous rules.
Darin was supposed to go on a campout for Scouts that night and was really looking forward to it before but he was really not feeling up to it when it was time to leave. He wanted to be comforted by all of us. We let all the kids into our room and Darin was able to tell them his tragic tale from Middle School. Of course his sisters were a very captive audience and Nathan re-enacted all the different boys parts for them which was hilarious. It totally lightened the mood and Darin felt much better. Even enough for me to snap a couple of pictures of him being cuddled by Ken.
Sad Darin:-(
Angry Darin!
Grumpy (trying not to laugh) Darin!
I love this kid. He was totally surprised to hear me and Ken's tales of in-school suspension. Which were really not as innocent as his time in the slammer. We love this boy of ours and couldn't be prouder!
2 comments:
Did you take him out for Ice cream as a reward? I would have.
I had a similar experience with J.D. last school year being put into inschool suspension for standing up for himself when he was being bullied. The vice principal never called to tell me about the instances (until things had really escalated) and the school had somewhat arbitrary rules and were unclear about consequences. J.D.'s behavior wasn't completely appropriate in all circumstances (he was only 7 then), but it was very frustrating as a parent to not be fully informed and not have my child fully aware of what consequences he would have at school. Keep being the good mom you are!
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