Why am I so Lucky???

Do you ever look at your children and wonder how did I get so lucky? OR
What did I do to deserve such great kids?

I do ALL-THE-TIME. Especially this week, when I pretty much had my very worst moment of Motherhood on Monday. It was ugly and awful, I totally over-reacted and turned into this crazy woman yelling crazy things. Like so bad, I dropped off my son crying at school, while crying myself, and then full-on crying again after he left. It was all around Terrible!

All week I have been pondering, what kind of mom does that? Seriously, I sent him off into a scary and difficult world (5th grade) totally upset. This is the very place where my kids normally come home from and want comfort from us, not like they hate school at all, but they do express their frustrations with friends, or how tired they are of language and bullying and stuff like that. Except this day instead of building him up and nurturing him before he is headed out into the world, I made it so he was happy to go to school just because he could get away from his crazy mom who is yelling at him. It was just an awful, awful morning.

And how did he react when I picked him up from school??? He was happy, and happy to see me, apologized, and gave me a hug and kiss. Which made me cry again.

How am I so lucky to have these special children??? Clearly it isn't because of my mothering skills. Yes, he did something wrong, but it was age-appropriate. Yes, it is so frustrating, but totally age appropriate and part of their learning and growing process. I, on the otherhand did a much bigger wrong, it wasn't age-appropriate, I do know better, and I should be way better disciplined and teach my children effectively instead of reactively.

I have been so humbled because rather then distancing themselves from me, my children have been showing me more love then ever. They have been extra kind to me and building me up, their mom, the one who is supposed to build them up.

Which makes me wonder again, why am I so lucky to have these children...

Darin has been smiley and loving. He keeps reassuring me that it's okay. He has been building me up and appreciating every little thing I do for him. He has been helping with the little girls on his own, like when we were going out he went and brought Ginger's shoes to her and tried to put them on her (no easy task).

Multiple times I would be in the kitchen preparing dinner or folding laundry or something and he would just come up and give me a big, HUGE hug out of nowhere.


Nathan is normally pretty expressive with his love but he kicked it up a notch this week too. He let me cuddle him quite a bit.

Then he left this note in my mailbox...


Rose has been especially sweet. She has played nicer with her sister.

One day I was laying in bed and she cupped her little hands around my face and said, "Oh Mom, your such a pretty girl!" "I Love You!" Then she gave me a HUGE kiss and hopped off the bed. It was so, so, sweet.


Even this two year old has been loving. She was very whiny and needy the day of the "incident" for obvious reasons. But the next day, she wanted extra cuddles and would give me so many kisses.

Ginger mainly made me laugh ALOT with her cuteness. Me and the Girls went to Sam's Club for shopping and then had a really fun lunch together. And while we were there we saw Lola and Papa. And I said, "Lola are you playing hooky?" Then Ginger said, "Lola's playing Cookies!" She kept saying "Cookies" anytime we asked her about it, which we did alot because she was so adorable.



Anyway, Monday was the bad day, so all week I have felt sad and tried to be better for my children. I've tried to do extra special things to make it up to all of them because I think all of them were hurt by me flying off the handle. And I haven't felt much peace until Thursday when I started thinking about my attitude and a scripture I read last week. It's ironic because this is exactly the type of scripture I would have rolled my eyes at when I was a Young Women.

Proverbs 31:10-31 This is the one that talks about a Virtuous Woman is Worth more then Rubies. Then it goes on to list all these traits and qualities and I realized this is me. Not like this is me and I'm a virtuous woman, but this is me--this is my situation, and I'm called upon to be a virtuous woman. Instead of having an attitude of wanting to be pampered, or have an easy life that I should be happy that I am being given the opportunity to prove my worth, to show my divine qualities. Here's just a few things that struck me:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her- This is SO me at the moment. Ken has been traveling about 75% of the time for work. We knew that this would be the case for him to be successful in this position he is in for the next year or so. He is counting on me to support him, take care of our children, and make sure our family stayed tight. But I always know in the back of my mind that I could always talk him into not doing this job. I have kind of used that as a security blanket and let myself feel burdened. I need to remind myself when it gets hard that when we prayed about it that we actually felt like this opportunity was a blessing from our Heavenly Father.

She riseth while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household- Especially since I am the hook for the morning routine when Ken is gone. Also, with my girls, they wake up in the very early morning and still need cuddles.

She worketh willing with her hands- This is totally obvious. But along with the feeling burdened part. I have debated the past two years back and forth about if we should hire someone to clean our house. About 6 months ago I decided once and for all that is was an unwise expense for our family, the key being our family. It feels like an unnecessay expense when I correlated it to Ken having to spend more time away from our family. Obviously not in an immediate sense because we wouldn't be debating this if he had to take a 2nd job. But in the sense of that $$$ would be better saved towards retirement, family vacations, etc. Still in moments of weakness I do like to feel sorry for myself and think "Well, he is gone most of the time, I deserve to have help with the housework."

She considereth a field, and buyeth it- I liken this to being wise in arranging and paying for work or services that our family needs. Like dealing with insurance adjusters and rooferes--Who always want to talk to my husband about the qoute. I hate having to say, "No. I am dealing with this so explain it to me!"

She reacheth her hands to the needy- I could be so much better at this. Really, the people I visit teach look after me and servce me more then I do them. It's so sad, and I need to reach outward a ton more.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness- Uh, yeah. Not so much at the moment!

Eateth not the bread of idleness- I think of she works hard, she looks for worthy pursuits for her free time, things that will help her grow as a woman, wife, and mother, or she gives of her time to worthy causes.

And of course the blessings: Her children shall call her blessed and her husband will praiseth her. It's weird, that reading a list of all these things I should do to be a well-rounded woman actually made me hopeful. It made me want to be better, to realize my potential, and it brought me peace!

This is Rose saying goodbye to her Daddy. She hugs and kisses the phone, which on one hand is cute and on the other pretty sad.

Ken loves to talk to us on the phone when he is on trips. We really spend 3-4 hours each night talking to him on the phone, I have found this is crucial to us staying connected and feeling like a team. It's not all these deep conversations although sometimes it is. But it's the mudane stuff, side comments, weird thoughts, etc. We just put him on speaker phone and do our normal thing.

This week, I really just have to say, Why am I so Lucky??? When I explained to Ken how I completely lost it that he tried to reassure me over and over, and expressed his love for me. I really doubt if the situation was reversed that I would be that loving. And we both know that he wouldn't have flipped like I did in the first place.